Letters for Natasha
by AliceParrilla18
Summary: ENDGAME SPOILERS! Black Widow's friends and family write for her short letters with their goodbyes after her death.


**A/N : WARNING : ENDGAME SPOILERS**

**The story takes place after events of Endgame. Clint decides to give Natasha a proper goodbye, giving her a little ceremony and letters from her loved ones. I'm sorry if it's messy, but I'm just still pissed about Nat's unnecessary death. English is not my main language, so I'm sorry for mistakes (please, remember that we're all human and we're writing here just for fun). Comments are appreciated. Enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER : Not mine, everything belongs to MCU.**

* * *

„Romanoff,

We both know how stupid this idea is, so appreciate that I agreed to it.

I have no intention of writing long, because in my opinion this is not something that you would like, although I can't be sure. Actually, I have never been sure of single thing about you. From the first day I saw you, through all these years. You always had something mysterious inside you, seemingly harmless but making you want to know more, but no matter what you did, it was still elusive. Even for me.

And although I didn't trust you in the beginning, although if it wasn't for Barton's puppy eyes I'd kill you myself, I'm grateful that things went that way and not differently. With each subsequent mission, you'd proved how talented and valuable you are. Loyal. You'd saved me and my people hundreds of times during the missions. Thinking about all this now, I regret that I can't turn back the time to recruit you earlier. You were a good soldier. One of the best. If it wasn't for you and your service, I don't know what reality would look like right now.

If all these years ago someone would tell me that one day the murderess and the most wanted person on the S.H.I.E.L.D.'s list will save me and the whole world sacrificing her life, I would laugh at them and send them back to the madhouse. If I could answer now, I'd say that they're wrong. It'll be done by a hero.

S.H.I.E.L.D. will do everything to honour and never forget the Black Widow, I'll make sure of that. Thanks for everything, Red.

We'll miss you.

_**Nick Fury**_."

* * *

„Nat,

The last few weeks are one big chaos. I still can't understand a lot of things. Everything happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. At one moment, I watch with Nick as people, and then also us, turn into dust and disappear from our eyes, and in the next we are all back, learning that five years have passed. Work at S.H.I.E.L.D. was never easy or normal and I experienced many unusual things, but a titan from space, quantum dimension, time travel and war with an alien army? It's really hard to believe in all of that.

But it's the hardest to believe that you're not here anymore.

Nick and I found out about it only at Tony's funeral. Since then, throughout the ceremony, don't get me wrong, I'm very sorry about Iron Man, I've been thinking about you all the time. Clint wasn't in a good position to talk, so he only gave us the main information. You sacrificed your life for us. And although I'm very grateful for it, I still can't believe that we won't talk anymore, go out for a girls' night or catch some villains together.

There never was a lot of women in S.H.I.E.L.D., so it encouraged me when you joined us, I didn't feel so lost in this dangerous world anymore. You became one of my best friends. I still remember that party in Buenos Aires, as if it was yesterday. Me, you, Barton, Coulson and May. We were such a great team.

Now nothing will be the same again. The world you don't exist in has become a little more sad, and I a little more lost, just like before I met you.

I don't know what Nick wrote in his letter, probably only the officials, but believe me, he too is upset. No matter how much he denies it, I know he treated us both as daughters, and the loss of a child is a pain leaving scars that don't fade with time. Sometimes I can see how tears are reflecting in his healthy eye. You meant a lot to him. To all of us.

Thank you, from me and Nick.

I'll miss you, Nat. Rest peacefully. See you on the other side, sister.

_**Maria**_."

* * *

„Natasha,

You can't imagine how guilty I feel. Five years is a long time, but for us this time has passed very quickly. Now I know that it has too soon. That I should've used this time differently.

Only now did I realize how blind and insensitive I was. With each meeting, every video conversation with the others seemed to me more and more senseless. Each day, instead of hope, brought only a growing sense of failure and more and more sadness. Honestly, at the end I had to force myself to these monthly meetings. And in the meantime, you have always been there. Those meetings that seemed stupid to me, were everything to you. You wanted to unite us, to improve the world that we had left, although you knew it was impossible. You fought all the time, you never gave up. You were our hope that we needed so much and we ignored it for so long.

I have no idea what your life looked like between those meetings, and I will never forgive myself for letting it happen. What kind of friend am I?

And now? Now it's too late to fix anything. You hugged me, smiled so wild I've never seen before, and flew on the space ship to a distant planet, to never come back home.

No matter what was happening around, you'd always supported me, you were there with me when I was learning to walk again. I could always count on you. And how did I repay you for that?

I'm sorry, Nat. For everything. I just hope that you'll forgive me someday.

_**Rhodey**_."

* * *

„Hello, Romanoff.

I got used to sending you emails, so writing on the paper now seems strange. Do you know how difficult it is for me to hold a pen?

The idea of your guy with a bow is stupid, but I understand that it's a form of mourning, and it so happens that I know a lot about mourning. I've lost a lot in my life and even more for the last five years. That's why I agreed to take part in it.

It always seemed to me that our emails are very official, concise and concrete. I've seen them all lately, and I realized that it wasn't at all like that, at least not from your side. Hidden jokes between lines of text, colorful headlines, smiling faces at the end of greetings. I wasn't paying any attention to it before, too busy with myself. You must've been sorry when I didn't see it and disposed you and your attempts to make contact. I think I've been focused too much on myself, forgetting that I'm not the only one who suffers. You needed company, and I couldn't see it. So I apologize.

I don't want to write a lot because I know that it's not what this is all about.

I would like to thank you for what you did. Thanks to you, I got Groot back, the only person I have left. So thanks.

Well, that's my last message to you. It feels strange knowing that I'll never get an answer to it.

See you in heaven, or wherever you're spending your eternal vacation.

_**Rocket**_."

* * *

„Dear Natasha,

I can't tell you much and I really regret it. I regret that I hadn't known you better. I regret that I have cut myself off from you and the rest for the last five years. I really don't know what happened to me.

At first, I couldn't believe when Barton told us what happened at Vormir. I wanted to laugh when others mourned. I told them that you did it on purpose, that you knew we would come up with something to bring you back. Take advantage of the time you gave us, and then make everything as it was before. Now I understand that I was wrong. You knew that you would help us, but you also knew that after that we would not be able to help you. I regret we can't change that.

In Asgard, you would be called a hero, and your funeral would be such a wonderful ceremony that people would talk about it for years. It is a pity that we can't give it to you.

But, screw Asgard.

Romanoff, you're a hero of the whole world.

I'll never forget you. Let the gods look after you well.

_**Thor**_."

* * *

„Oh, Nat.

When I close my eyes, I see your face. Smiling, full of light. With love in your eyes.

I tried, really. I did everything in my power when I snapped to bring you back. I didn't think it would be so difficult. I wanted to open my eyes and see the real you next to me, and not the memory that follows me all the time. I still really count on it.

Please, forgive me for being such a coward. I ran away because I got scared. You showed me how a good life might look like, and I was scared that it wasn't written for a monster like me and that I would ruin everything if I tried. I didn't want to hurt you so much, not realizing I was doing it anyway. Later I escaped again and later I let you down. I couldn't bring you back, I wasn't strong enough. Will you ever forgive me?

If I could turn back time, I would do everything differently. But life is not a fairy tale, and we have to accept it.

I think about you every day and a part of you will remain in my heart forever. After all, I am who I am today thanks to you. Another reason why I didn't deserve you.

I hope you're alright and that we will meet in a different world someday. Goodbye, Nat.

With love,

_**Bruce**_."

* * *

„Hey, Natasha.

The pain I felt when Pietro died, I remember all too well, it still haunts me in my nightmares. The feeling of my heart being torn to pieces, lungs burning with fire, hot tears running down in streams and burning cheeks. It's been so long since his death, and I still feel that unbearable emptiness inside.

Later there was this horrible accident I caused. And later our fight, and we nearly killed each other. And Vision, who also left.

I only survived all of this thanks to you and Clint. You've been supporting me from the very beginning, since I became one of you in Sokovia. You've never judged me through the prism of all the horrible things I've done. You believed in me and you repeated that the pain would weaken over time, so long until I accepted it. You gave me home, family and a sense of safety I missed and needed so badly.

Now I can write this letter also thanks to you. You didn't have to do it, but you chose to sacrifice yourself for us, for millions of people, to get them all back. Nat, you saved my life once again. And once again, I can't repay you for it.

I don't know if it's true or just a figment of my imagination, but sometimes I feel your presence, I feel you standing next to me and watching me with a smile. I'd like it to be true. I often talk about it with Clint (don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him).

I'm staying at Pepper's for a while, little Morgan stole my heart from the first sight. I have to stop for a moment and think about what to do next with my life. The life you gave me.

You've become a mother to me and I hope that, in some way, I deserved to be called your daughter, and that someday I will make you proud of me.

Because now I know that I'm not alone.

I guess that's all for now. Be happy and tell Pietro and Vision that I'll be fine.

I love you and my boys with all my heart.

_**Wanda**_."

* * *

„Hello, Natasha.

I remember the first time you appeared in our home as if it was yesterday. The house was under renovation, and I was pregnant with Lila. Clint entered first through the door, with his puppy eyes, not being sure of my reaction. You were standing behind him at a safe distance, watching me and everything around. You were exhausted and bruised so badly that I was afraid you would pass out. I knew immediately who you were, Clint had told me about a young Russian who he had saved and recruited into the ranks of the organization he was working for many times. Clint was afraid that I would be scared of you, but I didn't see a bad person in you at that moment. In your eyes I saw how lost you are, lonely and hurt by the world. I wanted to help you so much, and when you smiled at me for the first time, I knew straight away that we would become best friends. I wasn't wrong.

So now, when we magically disappeared and then came back, and when Clint stood in the door, just like all those years ago, alone and with that pain on his face, I knew that you wasn't standing behind him this time, and that you will never stand again.

It was the hardest to tell the children. Cooper lowered his head and ran to the garden to climb up your favorite tree, the one you taught him to climb, and sat on it for several hours. Lila locked herself in her room for the day, and when she finally came out, her eyes were red and swollen from crying. But they understand. And Nathaniel? Nathaniel still asks when his beloved Auntie Nat will come to play with him and build a pillow castle. And I still don't know how to answer.

You saved my husband more times than I can count, and I can't thank you enough for that. You were always with him and you cared for him and for us, as for your own family. Because that's how it was, you became a part of this family and you will remain forever.

Now you have brought my husband and the father of my children home this last time. You brought us all. If it wasn't for you, none of us would be here right now. I can't find the right words to express what I feel.

Clint told me everything. About how he wanted to do it, how you fought, how he tried to keep you over the abyss. I can't imagine how much you must have been terrified, but also brave. Because only someone with a big heart and courage can make such a sacrifice.

We all loved you very much, but I know that Clint felt something extraordinary and precious to you. I don't know if he's ever going to be like he used to, now, when it was taken away from him and you're gone. You won't come back, and your room upstairs will always be empty. There are still some of your clothes in the closet. None of us can gather enough to pack them and take them to the attic.

Nat, you've been a part of the Bartons family for a long time, you've seen the birth of Lila and Nathaniel, and you were happy with us, and you'll stay in our hearts forever. Together with Clint, we'll make sure the children remember you, especially Nathaniel, who is named after his favorite aunt.

You were an amazing friend. Thank you for everything you did for us. We will miss you.

_**Laura**_."

* * *

„Natasha,

Every day I hear in my mind the words you said when I saw you for the last time.

_See you in a minute._

A minute passed. Hours, days and weeks passed too, and you're still gone.

You were one of my best friends. You were always there, you supported me, you encouraged me when I needed it most. I'm probably not the only one who writes these words to you, but it's true. You were a friend of all of us and you always cared about us more than you ever did about yourself.

If not you, I don't know what would've happened to me after Peggy's funeral, after our argument, or during all this time away from the others. You know, I never told you that, but I really liked it when you dyed your hair blond.

When we all came back from our travels in time and you weren't standing there, I felt emptiness. I couldn't let myself think that something could happen to you.

But when I went to return all the Infinity Stones, when I came to Vormir, when I saw the cliff and looked down, knowing what had happened there, reality hit me hard and my heart broke.

When my whole life was collapsing, when I was loosing all my loved ones, you were always there. So I wasn't ready to loose you too.

Throwing the Stone into the abyss, I thought about all our times spent together, good and bad, and how much I'm gonna miss you.

And now? Now I am an old man who probably doesn't have much time left. But know that throughout my life I decided to spend, I thought about you every day, because being able to choose a different path for myself and experience love and happiness, I owe to you. Because if it wasn't for your sacrifice, everything would look different.

I bet that if you could see me now, with a wrinkled face, gray hair and a walking stick at my side, you would laugh so loudly that the whole neighborhood would've heard you.

I think that's all for now. I guess that we'll meet again very soon, and then I'm going to tell you the rest myself.

So, see you soon, Romanoff.

_**Steve**_."

* * *

„ _please come back I love you please I'm begging you come back to me come back come back come back come back please please come back come back come back come back come back_

Damn you, Nat.

I didn't rescue you all those years ago only to loose you now in such a foolish way.

I don't know who was more stupid. You, cause you forced me to let go of your hand on that damn cliff, or me, cause I let it happen.

You knew that you were part of something bigger. You knew everyone loved you. You knew that children need you. You knew you wouldn't come back. You knew how much you meant to me and how my life has changed since I met you. You knew that thanks to you, I became a better man. You knew how much I love and need you and that you are a part of me that crept into my heart the moment I was about to kill you.

You knew about all of this. And what did you do?

You left me. I hate you for this.

I told Laura. She cried.

I came back home, but I don't know how long I can stand there. I see you in every corner. On the couch, on the chair next to the kitchen window, on the terrace. I went into your room. Your things are still there, your clothes, photo frames on the bedside table, and your scent is still floating in the air.

You're everywhere.

Do you remember when we met for the first time? That stormy night when I finally caught you, I pointed an arrow at you and the world stopped for a moment? Since that night, so much time has passed and we've lived so many amazing things together. You were always there.

So I really wasn't expecting that damn expedition on Vormir to be our last mission together. I wasn't prepared to lose you forever the moment I got you and the hope I needed so badly back.

You're gone. You're not coming back this time.

Children ask why Auntie Nat will never come to visit them again. They are still too young to know the truth, so together with Laura we still feed them with lies that Auntie Nat had to become an angel with big wings so that everyone else would be safe. Repeating this over and over again gets more and more painful every time.

See what you led to? If not for yourself, if not for me, why didn't you think about Cooper, Lila and Nathaniel? About these innocent kids who see you as a hero, a role model, an idol and love you crazy? What about them?

I know what would you say now. You'd say that it was the only way, that thanks to you my children and my wife are here and that I should be happy. It's true. They are here because of you. But I will never be fully happy, because I never wanted to trade your life over someone else's, and you made that decision for me and left, leaving me guilty and with this terrible emptiness in my heart. That's what I wanted to avoid, another loss. If I jumped, at least I wouldn't lose anyone. At least I would be sure that everyone I care about is safe. I never wanted anything more. And you took it away from me.

You did it on your terms anyway, huh?

I still don't know after all those bad things you've been through where did you get so much courage, strength and determination from. You saved me so many times. You made me a better man. You were a hope that I couln't see. And then you came too, and you made me full again. You have always been a light in the dark.

This stupid Stone wasn't worth your life. We got it, we saved the world, we brought everyone back, but it wasn't worth it anyway. Your life was a too high price.

Why couldn't you understand this?

I don't know why I came up with these letters, or why the rest of the team agreed. I think I just wanted to say goodbye properly, since it hasn't been given to us. To have something material that we can give you, bury, because we can't even organize a proper funeral, because your body is lying at the bottom of a precipice on a distant planet.

The world is safe now. You did what you wanted to do. You wipped out that red in your ledger, you are clean, though you already became when you joined S.H.I.E.L.D. and let me help you. You've achieved so much. And I'm so proud of you.

But it's so awful and unfair that all your hard work you put into doing good and saving the world has disappeared in a second.

One second changed everything.

They say I should be grateful that I met you on my way, that I should enjoy what was given to me and use it best I can, go on to honor you and your sacrifice, but I just... I can't. I am grateful, but at the same time I'm filled with anger at you, at myself, and at the world we live in. Together with you, a part of me also died and I will never be the same as before. I'm lucky that Laura understands and supports me.

There is no moment in which I wouldn't think about you.

I'm sorry that I can't use the life you gave to me the way you'd like me to. I can't pretend that everything's alright, when it's not at all.

I just wish to wake up someday, go downstairs and see you in the kitchen, sipping coffee from your favourite cup.

I don't know where you are now, but wherever you've gone to, please look after the children and Laura. And for me, to not let me lose my mind completly.

This isn't a perfect goodbye, but it's probably better than nothing. Even if you'll never read this or any other letter from your friends.

From your family you gave your life for.

I couldn't save you this time. I let you down.

I just hope that you're happy, because you definitelly deserve it. Get some rest and check on us from time to time, and we'll be fine. Or, at least we're gonna try.

Oh, and promise me something. When it's time for me to go, today, tommorow, or in fifty years, be there, okay? It would be nice.

So, I think that's everything I wanted to say. I'm sure you know the rest. You always know everything.

We'll always remember you. I'll make sure that the world knows, what's the Black Widow done for it. I promise.

I love you. I always will.

Goodbye, Natalia.

Forever yours,

_**Clint**_."

**THE END**


End file.
